A Postpartum Series: Body image, Part 2

We left off in Part 1 of this Postpartum Series topic with my husband giving me money for my birthday to get clothes that fit my new body, but the process of shopping to find the clothes was horrible. I was squishy and much bigger in almost every part of my body and everything I tried on seem to cling in all the worst areas.

Early on, I was urged by a few people to get my hormone levels checked. Maybe something was off and causing my body some sort of hormonal upheaval. My thyroid was the potential suspect. I figured this had to be it! I went to my doctor and got some labs done (blood work). I couldn't wait to get the phone call back that anything was out of line and she had something to fix it. My thyroid levels were totally normal, as was pretty much everything else. What the heck? More anger.

By this point I was certain that my body was holding onto the weight because I was nursing Lola. I looked it up online and saw threads of women talking about how they couldn't lose an ounce until they stopped nursing and then within a month or two they would lose it all—some women claiming to lose 30 or 40 pounds almost instantly just from weaning! I started to think about weaning Lola. I obsessively turned over the options in my head.

What if I wean her and nothing happens with my weight? I would feel stupid and devastated over missing out on our breastfeeding relationship. Am I vain for wanting to wean her simply to lose weight? I think so. What is best for her? Nursing her. How long do I want to nurse her for? I think through a year and a half. Why would I stop early then? Because I'm lame and being selfish. I wish I could just test it out to lose the weight and then go back to nursing her. Sorry, Sister, that's not going to happen. I really want to lose the weight before I get pregnant again. Is that even healthy going into another pregnancy 25 pounds heavier, just 10 pounds under my pregnancy weight? Will this reset my body to think that this is the weight that it should go back to after having another baby? Will I ever be able to lose this weight?   

This was probably around 10 months postpartum. I set a goal of getting through 12 months, and pushed forward finally realizing that I needed to be praying for wisdom from Jesus. I did end up dropping a feeding or two since it felt natural, but nothing about this was reflected in my weight.

A Postpartum Series: Body image, Part 1

Update: View Part 2 of this Body Image series here.

This is a tough one. Mostly because body image is just such a hot spot for most women. I am writing this post to be honest about my journey, struggles, and the areas Jesus has redeemed for me. I hope you will fight any urge to compare yourself to me, good or bad.

Once I got pregnant with Lola, I immediately felt beautiful, womanly. Nothing about my changing figure bothered me a bit. I embraced every day my belly grew, and hardly gained any weight until about halfway through pregnancy. By 18 weeks I was only six pounds up from my pre-pregnancy weight. Overall, I felt fantastic.

I did notice by the end that my face had gotten puffier, but wasn't concerned at all. I figured that was all water weight and would slip off within a few months postpartum with nursing and keeping active. By my 40th week, I think I had gained somewhere around 35 pounds—healthy and very normal. I gained a few stretch marks right on the underside of my belly in the final four weeks, which was disappointing, but definitely not the end of the world. Despite my new stripes, I was still feeling lovely and totally embraced my shape.

I gave birth to Lola and immediately my belly was gone with just a little one in its place. I couldn't believe my silhouette in the mirror just hours after giving birth. My stomach wasn't all that droopy either, just a slight bulge. I was feeling good about my postpartum figure. Here I am one week postpartum.

Second Pregnancy: How we found out

I can't even explain how fast this pregnancy is going. Last time, each day ticked by so slow I could hardly stand it. I was working 9–5, almost two years less wise, anxious to know what motherhood was all about, and even more curious to experience labor and birth. So much is different now. Not only am I busy keeping up with a 15 month old toddler day to day, but I kind of know what to expect this next time around. I'm just much more relaxed.

I don't plan to blog in the same way I did last time. It just seems redundant. But I definitely hope to share about this pregnancy along the way. I would imagine an update every month should suffice. I can tell already that there just isn't as much to talk about. My appointments with my midwives are an hour long and it's quickly becoming more difficult to fill that time. Two years ago I had so many questions and ideas.

I do think it would be fun to recap the first trimester and share some of our highlights so far, which is what I plan to do over the next few weeks. To start off, I'd love to share with you some of our journey to getting pregnant and how we found out, very similar to this post from almost two years ago! And for those wondering, I am currently between 14 and 15 weeks, due July 22, 2014.

We decided we'd start trying for another baby in October, when Lola turned one. We liked the idea of having our children somewhere around two years apart. However, I wasn't even sure I was ovulating despite having a regular period since six months postpartum. I had heard a lot about anovulatory cycles and we hadn't been using any form of birth control since Lola was born. Although we weren't actively trying, I was always surprised every month I had a period and wasn't pregnant... hence my suspicion of anovulatory cycles. I was also still breastfeeding, which I knew could be a very valid reason for irregular cycles.  

As we began to near the year mark, I started talking with my doctor, a naturopath, about my cycle, balancing hormones, and wanting to get pregnant. She suggested I buy a digital ovulation kit to see if and when I was ovulating. This is the one she recommended and I used. It was super simple and easy to read, opposed to the less expensive strips that can be hard to decipher. It shows a smiley face on days that you're fertile and a circle for every other day. I bought a kit in September and began testing every day starting about a week after the onset of my period. Around 10 days in I continued to get negatives, but was feeling potential symptoms of ovulation, as I had previous months. And then the one day I really thought was it, I eagerly got in position and the test holder died. Womp womp.

A Sweet Little Announcement...

Exciting news! Baby King #2 is on the way! Our hearts are bursting and we're so excited to meet this sweet little one this summer.

More to come!

With so much joy,
Mama, Papa + Lola King