How We Found Out

You might have already heard the blessed news, but we're having a baby! We are little over 12 weeks now and look forward to catching up with everything that has been happening. I have lots of posts ready to go, and we should hopefully be posting "real-time" in a couple weeks. 

I was so nervous going to sleep Wednesday night. I maybe slept an hour total all night. I felt like I just laid awake the whole time waiting for the clock to tick by to a late enough time to temp and test. I did wake up at one point though drenched in sweat. I don't know if it was the anxiety of testing or a pregnancy symptom. I haven't had this happen again since. Anyways, I was wide awake at 5 am and knew I wasn't going back to sleep. I decided I would at least temp.

Maybe it would have dropped and then I would just go back to sleep and move on. But maybe it would be high—maybe even higher than the day before—and I would slip out of bed and test by myself. Arthur had asked for us to test together the day before, but I really wanted to do it alone. I didn't want to see the disappointment on his face or for him to feel like he needed to comfort me. I just wanted it to be my pure emotion, unadulterated by anything else—me and God. So I rolled over and plopped the thermometer under my tongue. Beep...beep...beep...

My temp was high! Higher than the day before! I slipped out of bed, shaking, into the bathroom and tore open the test. Last month when we tested I would leave the bathroom and send Arthur in to look after 3 minutes. I anticipated him coming back screaming that we were pregnant and we would cuddle the day away (they were snow days—how magical, right?!). Well, that never happened and by the second and third days testing he would go into the bathroom and immediately brush his teeth...a clear indicator that the test was a big fat nay. I was so bummed. I didn't want that again. This time I was going to watch the test develop. I needed to face this head on, and I had a sense something might be different.

I took the test, set it on the counter and watched it. Quickly the control line started to faintly appear and then I saw it. It was barely there, but there was a second line, a God ordained second line. I burst into tears thanking God immediately. Holy cow, what the heck, oh my gosh we are pregnant. All the fears of infertility GONE. I didn't care at that moment whether this pregnancy lasted only a day. We could conceive, and that is God's mercy. You see, Arthur had a big accident when he was younger. He fell off of a cliff and shattered his pelvis. He was never told if this would impact his ability to conceive, but had always questioned it.

Just a few days prior we were gearing up to make an appointment at the reproductive medicine clinic to get him tested. We both agreed we didn't want to wait through months of trying only to find out he wasn't fertile. I was entirely convinced that we were not pregnant this month, not even the tiniest bit, so I encouraged him to just go in as soon as he could. I was cramping and feeling symptoms exactly as though my period was coming. It wasn't until my temps started to rise around day 26 after they had already dropped that I began to suspect something.

Even more, earlier in the month I thought I hadn't even ovulated! During that week I was praying to God that if he would at least allow me to ovulate I would praise him. My cycles are like clockwork and I have never experienced a month without ovulation, so this would have been crazy timing to not ovulate for the first time during a month we are trying to conceive. Looking back I can now see that there was an ovulation peak on my chart and that my temps must have stayed low afterward from conceiving, but more on my pregnancy chart another day. I praised God for ovulation during this sacred moment.

After soaking in God's love for me and his mercy on my life, I took a deep breath, grabbed the test and tip toed back to our bed. I just stood in the pitch-black doorway for a minute thinking about what to do next. I walked over and gently sat on Arthur's side of the bed, whispering, "Babe....Babe..." He woke up and asked me what was going on and if I was ready to test. I burst into tears and sobbed, "We're pregnant!"

He responded with a shrill of excitement, "Whhhhaaat?!" and immediately asked to turn the lights on so he could see the test. I plopped my head onto his chest and just laid there while he hugged my weeping, shaking body. We cuddled and laid in bed for the next hour soaking everything in, downloaded an iPad app that showed us what the baby looked like (it looked a lot like a ball of dust), and dreamed about what's to come.

 

I was hoping for us to dance around in excitement all morning, but Arthur was a bit more contemplative. It took him a few hours, but soon enough I could sense him getting really excited (as much as one can over Google chat) and we couldn't stop saying (typing) to each other "WE'RE PREGNANT!!!" It was strange being at work all day after such a big happening. I couldn't stop rubbing my belly every time I stood up. I think I was somewhat expecting it to grow huge or something ridiculous that day. I couldn't believe that there was a tiny little cute ball of dust inside of me that would, Lord willing, be snuggling in my arms as a full-grown baby in just 8 short months. Praise the Lord!

What a blessed day! This is the day the Lord has made! I am beyond excited. I am so scared. Arthur is now over-the-moon (plus some). God is good ALL THE TIME. Holy cow, we're pregnant.


Need to catch up?

Pregnancy Posts:
We're Having a Baby!