Friday, July 27, 2012

Thoughts on Being a Mother

Another late night—er early morning—post. Maybe it's the sprawled out cat who is taking over my body pillow, or the back pain that just won't quit, or maybe the constant pee trips (is it just easier to stay up since I'm going to have to go the second I lay back down?). Either way, I'm up and feeling inspired to tackle a new, potentially equally as controversial, topic: my thoughts on being a mother.

I haven't spoken yet about what our plans are for who will take care of our child once she's born, because frankly, we don't know yet. My husband has been tirelessly fighting to get a job that can support our family for years, with door after door being shut in response to every effort he makes. He used to be in the medical field—an EMT and firefighter—but God closed that door through a life-changing and tough season. A very dark season ensued of feeling angry at the Lord, fighting depression, and asking God what the heck he was supposed to do next. We wanted to get married, but He had more work to do in both of us and closed that door.

Eventually, the Lord blessed Arthur with a new sense of humility in His plan and gave him a Trader Joe's. Not exactly the career move either of us expected. I wasn't supportive and was angry at God too. I was ready to start our life together and this didn't seem in favor of that. We both eventually were captured by the Holy Spirit and hearts changed. This was going to be life right now, and turns out, for much longer than we could have ever imagined. We both began to see amazing fruit coming from his work at Trader Joe's and could see glimpses of God's plan. The Lord was at work and there was nothing we could do about it besides be obedient. Absolutely nothing we tried worked to change the situation.

After a dark season in our relationship, some time apart, and growing faith in the Lord, He eventually blessed us with marriage. After all we had already been through, although still very much a new challenge in its own way, finally living as husband and wife was such a relief. We could finally, in God's perfect timing, tackle living for the Lord together.

To both of our surprise, I wanted to start a family immediately. Neither of us was expecting this, or for my desire to be so intense. The Lord blessed me with words of guidance through a handful of women during this season and humbled my heart to wait for his timing. All the while, my husband was now struggling with the new task of providing for his family—the one that his wife was anxiously hoping to expand. We both worked, so financially things were more than fine, but I could see the anxiety he had just knowing being a sole provider wasn't even an option.

All through each of these seasons, Arthur never stopped applying for jobs and even finished a 4-year degree in criminal justice. He was mostly applying for government/state/federal/super-secret type jobs, but never once did any door even budge open despite his impeccable credentials. Trader Joe's was the plan and there was seriously nothing we could do about it.

Time went on and the Lord finally spoke to us about starting a family. So in a leap of absolute faith, we put our trust in the Lord and began "trying". There was no way TJ's could keep us afloat on its own, and we both desperately wanted for me to stay at home with our children, but we knew staying obedient in the Lord was most important.

From our Whistler vacation in week 18

Early in January of this year, God blessed my husband with the opportunity to start a new full-time, but contract, job in internet advertising. What?! Yes. Weeks later we found out we were pregnant. What?! Yes. Even better...his contract ends weeks before Baby King is to be born. What?! Yes.

So this is where we stand. Arthur still works part-time at Trader Joe's to keep our amazing benefits and maternity coverage, while I, of course, also work full-time in my design job. He continues to relentlessly apply for jobs and fight to support his family, but we have no answers yet.

We are blessed (although I admit I often struggle seeing it this way) with the "security" of knowing that he can always work full-time hours at TJ's if another contract or full-time work doesn't come before D-day, but realistically this can't support our family and I would eventually need to go back to work for some amount of time. For us, this is "worst case scenario", but we are praying our hearts out for the Lord's will to be done and have vowed to know that whatever the outcome, God will be our strength. I'm going to need it working outside of the home or as a stay at home mom. Arthur is going to need the Lord's strength in a career or working his fourth year at Trader Joe's. This is the only option for us.

I suppose this is more of a testimony and less of my thoughts on mothering, but I hope you can see how much God's story through me and my family influences my approach to being a mother. My amazing husband deeply desires for me to stay at home and shepherd our children and take care of our home during the day, as do I. With both of us working full-time and constantly feeling pressed for time and frantic, it's hard to imagine how we can take care of and fully tend to a child as well. Our home is in perpetual disarray, meals rushed and not a place of rest or ministry.

So when people ask, as they often do, what our plans are once the baby arrives. We always tell the truth. We hope God gives my husband a job that allows me to take care of our family and home. Sometimes we are met with a wave of support, while others are less understanding. When we do receive push-back, it's usually about not understanding why I wouldn't work when I could (i.e. women's rights/gender roles), how we plan to socialize our child(ren) when they won't be around other children all day, or about the sacrifices we will have to make living on one income. Overall we've felt pretty supported in this decision and have had some really engaging conversations on the topic.

If you are wondering, and feel inclined to join us in praying, here are some requests:

-  Pray for the Lord to provide Arthur with a job that will be fulfilling to him.
-  Pray for the Lord to prepare me to be a stay at home mom, whenever that might be.
-  Pray for the Lord's will to be done and our hearts to stay confident and joyful.
-  Pray that if I have to go back to work, God would provide a job for me and a solution to childcare.

I've felt that not sharing this piece of our lives has been holding me back from discussing how the Lord is working in and through me on this blog. I'm grateful we've had the chance to catch up now and that you are willing to walk and pray with us. I look forward to sharing more soon. xo

Need to catch up?

Pregnancy Posts:

Weekly Updates:


  1. There is always a way. I will pray. Staying at home is way harder than my corporate job and yet, there is no way I would give it up unless is was completely necessary. I always say that I don't stay home because we have all this money flying around-I stay at home because we make it work. No matter what happens with you and Arthur, that baby will now she is loved. I will be praying. Xoxoxo

    1. Thanks for your prayer and encouragement! We have talked about that quite a bit too—how being a stay at home mama isn't the easy way out and will certainly be a challenging and new role for me to figure out. I would love to catch up soon. I'm eager to glean some of your mom wisdom!

  2. Women's rights always kind of make me laugh, because honestly it's your right as a woman to decided that you want to stay home and raise your own children. I fully believe that staying home is the best thing you can do for your child, but thats just my opinion. I hope and pray that things will work out for you to be able to stay home and spend time with your beautiful daughter... Things will work out exactly as they are supposed to... even if it doesn't seem right to you at the time, it'll come together in the end.

    1. Thank you for your encouragement, Krista! I agree that the Lord's plan will prevail and I can—thankfully—find my hope and joy in Him instead of whatever situation I'm in...although that's often hard.


Leave us a comment. We would love to hear from you!