Thursday, October 11, 2012

Pregnancy: 38 Weeks

Note: This post was written yesterday, 10/10. I've been having pretty regular mild contractions all morning and maybe some leaking, but nothing too serious yet. Stay tuned! 

Nope. No baby yet.

We're officially in the waiting game now, wondering every day if today is the day. I'm certainly on high alert for any signs of labor and constantly keeping Papa K up-to-date on anything that feels different. To be completely honest, I shift between sheer panic and excited anticipation by the minute. There have been a few moments this week of utter mental exhaustion from panicking so much. I don't admit this to cause a fuss, but rather to be honest about how I'm actually handling these final days of pregnancy. It's hard and a bit sad to believe we're finally at the end of this journey, but so much of me can't stop daydreaming about the new season to come.

As I mentioned, my mental strength has gone down hill—and fast. I have been so proud of my ironclad mind of steel over the past couple months. Nothing seemed to phase me. But now, everything I've heard and been able to brush off seems to be rushing toward me in a fury of anxiety, nervousness and fear. I think part of the "issue" is that of the hoards of women I've been pregnant alongside—whether in blogland or in real life— I'm nearly the last one to deliver. When we were all pregnant together, there was lots of dreaming about what was to come. Now it's me watching from the sidelines what life with a newborn might look like.

I've been very open with most everyone about how I'm feeling when they ask, and by God's grace have been blessed with a lot of encouragement. During a particularly anxious day, the Lord gave me the verse Isaiah 41:10 to meditate on:

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

He used this verse to snap me back into reality—His reality. I don't need to fear about sleepless nights, if I will love my baby, how my husband and I will get along during rough days, loneliness, potential breastfeeding troubles, or labor. I don't even need to be anxious about these things. God, through his beautiful, perfect, amazing grace, will be with me to strengthen and help me. He is allowing my heart to soften to the idea that my joy needs to be in him, not in restful nights, a quiet baby or a simple postpartum period, but I still struggle with these fears.

While I'm not doing the best mentally, physically I'm feeling pretty great! Sure I'm up to pee 3–5 times a night and walking has turned into a full-time waddle, but that's to be expected at 38 weeks pregnant and I know it's not going to last for much longer. I'm actually thankful for how conditioned I am at getting up throughout the night for pee breaks. It doesn't bother me too much anymore. I really am feeling overall pretty energetic, which I've heard can happen in the period leading up to labor.

Speaking of labor, I still have a gut feeling that it's imminent. I mentioned to our doula and my yoga instructor this week that I have been having a lot of period-like cramping and they both affirmed that the cramps are a sure sign that something is happening. I can't quite tell if the cramps are contractions, or really what's a contraction and what's not, but I think I'm having my fair share of contractions along the way too. I know I'm supposed to look for a tightening in my uterus, but it's hard to tell because my belly is hard as a rock all the time these days. Nothing is happening at regular intervals though, which is the indication that I'm keeping an eye out for. Well, that and cervical mucus (sorry, gross), which is beginning to slowly creep out. No blood yet though.

I've decided that I'll switch back to my old schedule of posting on Thursday for these last couple weeks (or week!). You might remember that sometime after our 20 week ultrasound we started posting on Monday's to adjust for our new due date. In hindsight, continuing to post on Thursday makes the most sense since that's gestationally how far along I am. Anyways, with the goal of keeping things real-time around here, we're going back to celebrating our weekly celebrations on Thursdays. Make sense? Thursday, 10/11=38 weeks.

Highlight of the week: I am officially retired! After three years in the workforce (ha!), I've thrown in the towel. It's likely that I will keep my creative mind churning one way or another once I get settled into our new life, but it's not going to be a 9–5 gag gig. I honestly don't mind work, but have always hated working 9–5. How does anyone get anything done?! So far I don't have any ideas for what's to come next other than taking care of my home and family, which is top priority for the foreseeable future. But I'm sure there's something crafty in my future.

For now I am on staycation. I'm hoping this week to get my final list of to-do's crossed off. Things like cleaning, cooking freezer meals and a bit of pampering are at the top of my list and well underway. So far I've been able to get a pedicure, my hair cut and am off to a massage in an hour. I'm feeling like a million bucks! I also moved all our living room furniture to vacuum (blew Papa K's mind that I could do this!), am Mrs. Meyer's-ing everything in sight, and have a dust cloth affixed to my hand.

I've never been more grateful for a vacation full of cooking and cleaning. I also have a few sewing projects like a nursing cover and pillow cases that I am doubtful will get done before Baby gets here. I guess it all depends on how much time I've got left...if only I knew!

We met with our doula this week for our final prenatal visit. I am beginning to realize how important these prenatal meetings are and how much more comfortable I've become with her after seeing her regularly over the past few months. We're both feeling really good about having Matilda with us and can't wait to put our dynamic trio in action.

During our meeting I was able to ask about things like if she'll bring aromatherapy with her (she will) and tell her about the anxiety I'm beginning to feel. We also went over how I wasn't feeling great about the plan that we made at our last meeting regarding how we'll deal with the potential epidural discussion during labor. I told her that I flat out don't want the possibility even discussed. I want to be the one to bring it up if I get there, and really just want her and Arthur to be focusing on encouraging me through rushes rather than wondering if I'm ready for pain medication. I feel very confident that we're all on the same page now and that we'll be going into labor united in mind. We also decided that I will bring my yoga mat to the hospital so I can have that familiar space to labor in. I'm totally loving this idea.

This week I plan to eat spicy food, be on my feet and do countless hip rotations on the labor ball. AND go to our last Centering class. As far as I know, two babies have made their way out so far. So surreal! I'll keep my Twitter updated between posts and plan to keep you all in the loop when labor starts. I wonder if we'll make it to next week!

Need to catch up?

Pregnancy Posts:

Weekly Updates:


  1. I'm so excited for you guys! Mostly I want to say thank you for sharing that verse, it was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I just found out that I've got preeclampsia and that our baby girl will most likely need to be induced a few weeks early, which needless to say is stressing me out a little bit, knowing that my seven weeks I thought I still had is now more around three weeks. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and you get to meet your beautiful girl soon. I'll keep you in my prayers.

    1. Oh no. There's definitely nothing good about preeclampsia, but you can be sure the Lord has your sweet baby in his care. It's hard to give up the control, but everything will be alright. You can do it, mama! Thank you for your prayer. I will pray for you too! xo


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