Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The New Game Plan

This morning I had a visit with one of my midwives, Heather. I decided yesterday to schedule a follow-up to our eventful Thursday evening since we have been sitting in the lurch waiting for active labor to suddenly appear, but nothing is happening.

The appointment was pointed and really helpful emotionally. I told her that we left the birth center Thursday night under the assumption that we would have a baby in the next day or so. And that there seemed to be so much excitement from everyone at the progress my body had made, but we don't understand why nothing new is happening yet. What I got back was a no-frills, honest response, which turned out to be exactly what I needed.

Heather explained that the progress my body is making is really encouraging and completely normal, but it doesn't mean that active labor is going to start anytime soon. On the flip side, it doesn't mean it's not going to happen soon either. She reminded me that although babies are her job, she and the other midwives have absolutely no way of predicting when a mom is going to go into labor. It's just not possible. Any guess they make is as good as asking a magic eight-ball. In some weird way I found this really calming.

No one knows aside from God when this baby is going to make her way into our arms. He is the author of life and all I need to focus on is having faith that His timing is the perfect timing, even if that's three weeks from now (ugh, Lord, please don't let that be so!). It's great that my body is making progress, but it's not for me to be concerned with right now. Heather suggested I just ignore it as much as I can—the contractions and everything else—and go on as I normally would. Hearing her say this was equally frustrating and liberating. I want labor to start now, but since it's not, I think I would rather stop sitting around anticipating it.

So we have a new game plan. The name of the game is: act normal. I'm not going to sit around in my PJs taking naps and eating carbs all day. I'm going to go for walks, socialize and act as I normally would...and probably continue to do rep after rep of hip swirls on the labor ball ;)

Frankly, part of what's keeping me cooped inside is that I don't want to talk about what's going on. I don't feel like explaining to everyone who inquires about how they thought I was in labor, how I am, but I'm not. Selfishly, I just don't want to talk about how I'm feeling and verbally go through this entire saga over and over. As much as I'm loving documenting this process and going through it with all of you, I also feel like I have a few hundred peoples emotions going up and down right alongside me. I am so grateful for all of you who have sent your encouragement along, but it's hard knowing this is making a lot of folks anxious in anticipation. I don't blame you though!

After learning that my cervix hasn't made much change from Thursday—Heather's exam showed about 3cm and 50% effaced—I put my big girl pants on and faced the day. I started out by taking in just how beautiful this perfect fall day is. The trees are amazing right now.

Then I ventured off to visit Arthur's old buddies at Trader Joe's in Ballard, and even got my first cinnamon broom of the season. I was close to Goodwill, so I swung by hoping to find a little table for the nursery to put next to the rocker. No luck. And then headed off to U-Village to hit up Village Maternity with high hopes of getting fitted for a good nursing bra. That ended up being a total bust also (no pun intended...). Nevertheless, I am so grateful for such an entirely refreshing afternoon.

I'm home now, fighting off the urge to take a too-late nap and enjoying the scent of my new cinnamon broom. I think I might finally tackle making some strawberry, peach and spiced applesauces and think about how I can lovingly coerce Arthur into going for a walk with me once he gets home. You better bet I'm also praying my little pregnant heart out that labor starts SOON. You are certainly welcome to join me.

That's all for now. We'll be sure to keep you updated.

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  1. praying for you!! the waiting is so hard, kelsey. its so frustrating when you think that your body should be doing so much more than it is. i know that feeling very well, and you are headed in the right direction by going to Jesus and taking the sweet advice of your midwife - ACT NORMAL. :) it is incredibly difficult to act normal, when you feel anything but. i hope this beautiful fall weather sticks around so you can enjoy more refreshing walks and breathing in the crisp fall air. just keep thinking that these extra days are a gift - because they totally are. as much as you want that sweet lovely little girl in your arms, these days alone are a sweet gift! anticipating with you!!

    1. Love this. As I've been saying, thank you, thank you, thank you for praying—I really mean it! It's been so comforting to know that I'm not the only almost-mama who has gone through these emotions. I totally didn't expect them! I'm definitely going to get out and enjoy the crisp—or maybe rainy—fall weather today :) Great reminder.

  2. I love Heather. I love all the midwives we met, actually, but Heather delivered Gabe, so there is some bias. She's super calm and honest.

    I hope you can find joy in the following day(s) as a person, couple, and soon-to- be parent; knowing your body is preparing itself accordimg to God's plan. Despite the rain, it's somehow been lovely as well with spots of sunshine and not too chilly weather.

    Good luck. :) Every pregnancy is different, but if you have any questions, feel free to ping.

    1. Until this appt, I kept getting Maggie and Heather mixed up. So when you told us Heather delivered Gabe, I was picturing Maggie. Totally different now that I know who is who! I would love to have Heather at our birth also! But really, all of them are pretty great like you said.

      I didn't expect this wait to be so hard. But I also didn't expect my body to start labor so early and go for so long. Such an emotional experience. It's challenging not to be frustrated with God's timing, but I really do want to soak up these last few days of "just us". And His story is ALWAYS better than anything I think I need or want.

      I think I'm feeling pretty good about labor still. I was super encouraged by your birth story and keep replaying parts of it in my head for motivation :) I love how you said that the pain isn't really pain, it's different. And also how you reiterated the "stubbing your toe" analogy.

      I hope everything is going well as you guys adjust to life with baby Gabe! xo


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